Dean Tuttle's Trinitoninan Columns

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April 30, 2004

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Final column reveals philosophy

Dean's List by David Tuttle

I’d like to thank the Trinitonian staff, particularly Lia Lamm, for allowing me to do a column for the past two years.

As this is my last one, I feel a strong need to comment on several important topics that I haven’t otherwise been able to get to.

I’ve gotten to the age now where I feel comfortable telling people my philosophy on things even though they don’t ask and don’t really care.

I feel very strongly that states should choose one license plate design and stick with it.

If trucks make wide right turns, why don’t they make wide left turns?

There are two types of people: those who put others in categories, and those who don’t. People who try to look different are all the same.

I’m not someone who walks around commenting on different types of plants (what they are called, what kind they are, how beautiful they are).

As far as I’m concerned there are two types of plants: green ones and dead ones. The grass is always greener on the other side? I thought the other side of grass was just dirt.

I have an irrational fear that if I use women’s shaving cream, I will break out in a rash. People who know me well like my wife better.

Am I the only one who feels like he missed a great sale on gray, hooded Trinity sweatshirts? I often think in Professor Coleen Grissom’s voice.

I wouldn’t want to be the president of Trinity because then my trousers would be too long. Nothing against Aramark, but for crying out loud, when I go to a Spurs game or the Statue of Liberty, do I really have to see a Java City cart?

I refuse to automatically microwave anything at a time that ends in a zero or five. I think it’s a cop-out and that sometimes some things should cook for 53 seconds – no more, no less. You don’t appreciate the bend in a fork until you try to eat with a perfectly flat fork.

I’d go to the opera, but I’d be thinking of something else. As far as I’m concerned, if it doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t poetry.

I wonder what my dog thinks after we get in an elevator and, when the doors open moments later, we are suddenly someplace else. For that matter what does my baby think? Whatever it is, it’s probably the same thing.

We have two simple rules in our house: no river dancing and leave the TV remotes in their rooms of origin.

One time my wife and I got in an argument because she bought our son GI Joes for Christmas, but they were from different war eras. Come on – a WWII GI Joe against a Civil War GI Joe? How unfair is that?

I refuse to automatically microwave anything at a time that ends in a zero or five. I think it’s a cop-out and that sometimes some things should cook for 53 seconds – no more, no less. You don’t appreciate the bend in a fork until you try to eat with a perfectly flat fork.

Delivery room nurses aren’t very nice to dads who look like they may pass out. Apparently they “don’t have time for you” if you faint and disrupt their little jobs.

What is protocol in handicapped bathroom stalls anyway? Do they work like parking spaces? Are they open to everyone? What if someone just wants the spaciousness of one? Why is there no communication about this? I don’t like the new TU soap dispensers that dispense foam. I can’t help but feel like I’m washing my hands with used soap.

That’s all. You didn’t ask and probably don’t care. But I’m comfortable with that.

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