Dean's List

The kind and gentle crossing guard stands at his post each every morning. He waves to the drivers passing his station, with warm greetings as they scurry by to begin their days. This touching scene of Americana is more than it seems. It is annoying. Really annoying.

Taking my kids to school, I pass by this kind man, and he MAKES me wave to him. I know that no one can make another person wave, but the pressure is immense. To make matters worse, on the way back to work, he makes me wave again. If his first wave is sincere, shouldn’t he remember me from two minutes ago and not force a second wave? His greetings are empty and meaningless. Plus, I have never seen this man help a child across the street. Not once. He is an un-productive wave manipulator – that’s what he is.

I think greetings are just great. The problem with the crossing guard is the pressure, and that makes me want to resist waving because it is expected of me. I felt similarly when the Catholic Church imposed the hand-holding part of the Our Father during mass. I’m Catholic: I don’t want to hold hands in church. Why should I have to? I always end up next to someone with a cold. Now we have to lock hands and pray. What’s Christian about that?

At another private liberal arts institution in the south, their students are required to accumulate 40 “culture” points before they can graduate. Students are mandated to attend events chosen from an array of lectures and activities. The aim is for students to learn about and be exposed to topics ranging from off-beat music – such as opera, different cultures, and authors and scientists.

Though the students there don’t like it, even if the outcomes are positive, I love the idea. In some ways, we make sessions in New Student Orientation mandatory, until students figure out that there are no controls for who is attending or not, and no consequences for non-attendance.

Most staff members in Student Affairs, Athletics, the Chapel, theater, and music would love to mandate that students learn or experience something new. Most students would benefit too. Students resist going to many excellent programs anyway, so there would be nothing to lose by doing this.

If Dr. Burke in Business Administration had his way, he would make students learn and sing the alma mater, and sing it often. I’d make students lock their doors and never drink and drive. Campus & Community Involvement staff would make men do activities that involved something other than food/beer/sports/and electronics. Erin O’Donnell would make students go to every football game. Professors would make students read ahead, pay attention in class, and hang on their every word. Health Services would make students wash their hands and prove they have insurance. Residential Life would make people live on campus for three years (oh wait, we do that) and go to speakers on sexual assault and alcohol. We would make people go to Chapel, and do service in the community and go abroad and work out and be nice.

But we can’t. We can’t make people do things that might be good for them, or attend things their parents wouldn’t miss, or act the way we never acted because we too were busy being young.

Waving never looked so easy.