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How to Help
If you know someone who is sexually assaulted, it can be helpful to know
what to say and do in order to show the person your support. An empathic and educated
response from a friend can be a vital element in the healing process.
- It’s not their fault. Victims often place unnecessary blame on
themselves. To help your friend work through issues of self blame, remind them it’s
not their fault and that you care about them.
- Be a good listener. Find a quiet place to talk, and let your friend
explain what happened at their own pace and in their own words. Refrain from
telling your friend what they must do or what you would have done.
- Give your friend control. Ask your friend how they want to be treated,
especially with regard to personal space. This includes where you’re seated
during the conversation.
- Help your friend get help. Offer to provide phone numbers, information,
transportation, etc.
- Let your friend regain control of his/her life. Remember this is an
essential part of the healing process. Allow your friend the time and space
they need to make their own decisions and support them even if you don’t agree
with the decisions they make.
- Ask the right questions. Don't ask questions that place blame such as
"Why didn't you scream?" or "Why did you go to his/her
room?" or "What were you wearing?" Instead ask sensitive
questions that remind your friend that you’re on their side.
- Don’t downplay what happened. Don't imply that it wasn't a
"real" rape because your friend knows the person who assaulted them.
- You don’t have to do it all on your own. Helping a friend can be a very
difficult task. Be sure to seek advice or counseling for yourself to diffuse
some of the stress that you are feeling as you help your friend.
- The investigation of sexual misconduct is of the highest priority. Remember
that the University will not refer accused students, alleged victims, or
student witnesses for judicial action for extraneous violations such as alcohol
and drug use that occurred around the time of the assault.
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