New Bookmarks
Year 2003 Quarter 2:  April 1-June 30 Additions to Bob Jensen's Bookmarks
Bob Jensen at Trinity University

This will be the last edition of New Bookmarks until I return to Trinity University in September 2003.
We're moving to the mountains on June 10, 2003 --- http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/NHcottage/NHcottage.htm  

For earlier editions of New Bookmarks, go to http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/bookurl.htm 

Click here to search Bob Jensen's web site if you have key words to enter --- Search Site.
This search engine may get you some hits from other professors at Trinity University included with Bob Jensen's documents, but this may be to your benefit.

For date and time, try The Aggie Digital Clock --- http://yugop.com/ver3/stuff/03/fla.html
Time anywhere in the world http://www.worldtimeserver.com/ 

Bob Jensen's Dance Card
Some of My Planned Workshops and Presentations --- http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/resume.htm#Presentations 

Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Language Other Goodies --- http://dictionary.reference.com/|
Cknow.com: Definitions/ Acronyms/ Abbreviations http://www.cknow.com/ckinfo/  

Lists of Bests --- http://www.listsofbests.com/ 

Choose a Date Below for Additions to the Bookmarks File

May 31, 2003         May 15, 2003  

April 15, 2003         April 30, 2003                     

May 31, 2003  

 Bob Jensen's New Bookmarks on May 31, 2003
Bob Jensen at Trinity University 

Quotes of the Week

Our current economy system is a global machine that is destroying the environment and producing millions of losers that nobody knows what to do with.
Susan George

Now throw into the mix Microsoft's plans for a virtual brain. The plan: put everything which constitutes your life, livelihood and memories - from important documents to invaluable photographs and videos to important emails and any other kind of electronic data which defines you - onto the one system. A one-stop shop for everything you will ever need to recall and reuse .  
Silicon.com --- http://www.silicon.com/news/500011/1/1036498.html  

When we get really, really frustrated with our college students for not being able to follow third-grade level instructions, we should consider how many of them are (let's be blunt here) suffering from drug and alcohol induced idiocy.
Tina Blue, University of Kansas --- http://irascibleprofessor.com/comments-05-20-03.htm 

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.
Herb Caen
 
Every day people are straying away from church and going back to God.
Lenny Brucen
 
Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
Napoleon
 
Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation or creed.
Bertrand Russell

There is more to life than increasing its speed.
Mahatma Gandhi

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Unknown

Don't be humble. You're not that great.
Golda Meir

When the cat and mouse agree, the grocer is ruined.
Persian Proverb

Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.
Gene Fowler

The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
Mark Twain

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.
Thomas Jefferson

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Robert Orben

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
Charles Lamb

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands.
Spanish Proverb

We all have the strength to endure the misfortune of others.
La Rochefoucauld

Avarice is the sphincter of the heart.
Matthew Green

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Derek Bok

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.
Jim Samuels

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Navajo Saying

An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
Simon Cameron

All great truths begin as blasphemies.
George Bernard Shaw

Animals have these advantages over man: they have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.
Voltaire

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be --- a Christian.
Mark Twain

Christian:  One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
Ambrose Bierce

A cult is a religion with no political power.
Tom Wolfe

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Eric Hoffer

If you talk to God you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
Thomas Szasz

A politician thinks of the next election - a statesman of the next generation.
James Freeman Clarke

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Alfred Adler

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.
Adlai E. Stevenson

If I have written such a long letter, it means that I did not have enough time to make it shorter.
Blaise Pascal

My May 31, 2003 updates on the accounting and finance scandals can be found at http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/fraud033103.htm
(The above document also includes updates on tax frauds, scams, identity theft, and similar updates.)

FASB Improves Accounting for Financial Instruments with Characteristics of both Liabilities and Equity --- http://www.fasb.org/news/nr051503.shtml 

Norwalk, CT, May 15, 2003—The Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB) has issued Statement No. 150, Accounting for Certain Financial Instruments with Characteristics of both Liabilities and Equity. The Statement improves the accounting for certain financial instruments that, under previous guidance, issuers could account for as equity. The new Statement requires that those instruments be classified as liabilities in statements of financial position.

Statement 150 affects the issuer’s accounting for three types of freestanding financial instruments. One type is mandatorily redeemable shares, which the issuing company is obligated to buy back in exchange for cash or other assets. A second type, which includes put options and forward purchase contracts, involves instruments that do or may require the issuer to buy back some of its shares in exchange for cash or other assets. The third type of instruments that are liabilities under this Statement is obligations that can be settled with shares, the monetary value of which is fixed, tied solely or predominantly to a variable such as a market index, or varies inversely with the value of the issuers’ shares. Statement 150 does not apply to features embedded in a financial instrument that is not a derivative in its entirety.

Cknow.com: Definitions/ Acronyms/ Abbreviations http://www.cknow.com/ckinfo/  

MakingMusic 2 [Encyclopedia of musical instruments] http://homepage.mac.com/davidahmed/makingmusic.html

Bob Jensen's bookmarks for technology abbreviations are at http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/245gloss.htm 

Bob Jensen's bookmarks for definitions, etc. are at http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/bookbob3.htm#08051Glossaries 

EDUCAUSE Center for Applied Research --- http://www.educause.edu/ecar/ 

The EDUCAUSE Center for Applied Research (ECAR) provides timely research and analysis to help higher education leaders make better decisions about information technology (IT). The current environment is characterized by a lack of reliable information on IT in higher education. While there are ample anecdotes, there is little factual information and even less analysis. And the central issue may not be IT.

Although controversy often accompanies large-scale information technology projects, in many cases it is not the technical aspects of these projects that are the most problematic. Outsourcing, network security, e-procurement, and e-learning are examples of complex issues that may have been triggered by information technology, but whose resolution cannot focus on IT alone.

ECAR assembles leading scholars, practitioners, researchers and analysts to focus on issues of critical importance to higher education, many of which carry increasingly complicated and consequential implications. ECAR provides educational leaders with high-quality, well-researched, timely information to support institutional decision-making.

Bob Jensen's threads on education technologies are at http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/000aaa/0000start.htm 

NationMaster.com --- http://www.nationmaster.com/ 

Interactive Country Comparisons Welcome to NationMaster.com, a handy way to graphically compare nations. Using the form above, you can generate graphs with ease on all kinds of statistics. What's more, you can select exactly which countries you want to have included. We now have 335 stats, and this number is increasing all the time. If you know of some other stats, please don't hesitate to tell us. We hope to have drug, sporting and more entertainment stats up soon.

Bob Jensen's bookmarks on economic and other statistics can be found at http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/bookbob1.htm#EconStatistics 

Also see http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/bookbob3.htm#080512Encyclopedias 

Teaching Technology of the Week:  The SMART Camfire Whiteboard Camera ---  http://www.smarttech.com/products/camfire/index.asp 

Transform your dry-erase whiteboard into the next-generation digital copyboard. The SMART Camfire whiteboard camera captures high-resolution images of everything written, drawn and posted on your whiteboard. Publish notes to your Web site, print them or save them for students, parents or meeting attendees

The SMARTer Kids Foundation (includes college "kids") --- http://www.smarterkids.org/ 

The SMARTer Kids Foundation is a private organization that provides opportunities for students and teachers to learn new skills and grow in self-confidence by placing technology, grants and programs at their service. The Foundation helps equip classrooms with technology products and generates practical research on the impact and effectiveness of technology in the classroom. The challenges and opportunities that teachers and students face in accessing and using technology drive us to ensure our efforts make a difference in education.

Code Orange: CyberCrime Center to Open in DC --- http://www.eweek.com/article2/0,3959,1104230,00.asp 
It's gotten so bad that even the feds are worried. So the Department of Homeland Security plans on opening a Cyber-Security Center in DC to address the problem. We're not just talking about nabbing script-kiddies, either—big-time criminals are flocking to the Web. But one key piece is missing—and our experts think the new center will flop until it's addressed. Find out what the fatal flaw is and learn details of this new government bureaucracy in our special coverage.

Option Pricing : Modeling and Extracting State-Price Densities A New Methodology by Christian Perkner
Haupt Verlag
ISBN 3-258-06101-7  http://www.haupt.ch/asp/titels.asp?o=f&objectId=3372 

The focus of this book is on the valuation of financial derivatives. A derivative (e.g. a financial option) can be defined as a contract promising a payoff that is contingent upon the unknown future state of a risky security. The goal of this book is to illustrate two different perspectives of modern option pricing:

Part I: The normative viewpoint: How does (how should) option pricing theory arrive at the fair value for such a contingent claim? What are crucial assumptions? What is the line of argument? How does this theory (e.g. Black-Scholes) perform in reality?

Part II: The descriptive viewpoint: How are options truly priced in the financial markets? What do option prices tell us about the expectations of market participants? Do investor preferences play a role in the valuation of a derivative?

To answer both questions, the author introduces an insightful valuation framework that consists of five elements. Its central component is the so called state-price density - a density that represents the market's valuation of $1 received in various states of the world. It turns out that the shape of this density is the crucial aspect when determining the price of an option.

The book illustrates several techniques allowing the flexible modeling of the state-price density. Implementation issues are discussed using real datasets and numerical examples, implications of the various modeling techniques are analyzed, and results are presented that significantly improve standard option pricing theory.

Bob Jensen's threads on option pricing theory --- http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/acct5341/speakers/133glosf.htm#FairValue

DOES A ROSS ECONOMY LUNCH REALLY COST AS MUCH AS
HIRSHLEIFER CUISINE COMPLETE WITH s_m² DESSERT?  
Bob Jensen's unpublished Working Paper 149 --- http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/149wp/149wp.htm 

Bob Jensen's threads on valuation of derivative financial instruments can be found at http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/acct5341/speakers/133swapvalue.htm

May 29, 2003 message from Scott Bonacker [scottbonacker@MOCCPA.COM] 

Starting in July 2003, non-European sellers of broadcasting and electronically delivered services must begin collecting value added tax on sales to customers in Europe. Despite a storm of protest in the United States over this new tax regime, the process of enforcing the new rules is moving inexorably forward. Already, major sellers of such services have begun making arrangements to comply. The United Kingdom’s Custom & Excise has released taxpayer information bulletins to assist both European and non-European sellers in understanding and complying with the new rules.

This is a reminder to check the abstracting, database, and article services that your university's library pays for as a service to students, faculty, and staff.  If you've not checked lately, you might be amazed at the expensive subscription services that are available free online to you if your library recognizes your password.

For example, Trinity University is a very small school, but the subscription services of its library are rather extensive --- http://lib.trinity.edu/dbs/ 

Bob Jensen

-----Original Message----- 
From: Paul Apodaca [mailto:paul@PAPODACA.COM]  
Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 6:52 PM 
To: AECM@LISTSERV.LOYOLA.EDU  
Subject: Re: Bad News from the New York Times

Neal,

A possibility might be http://www.rsicopyright.com/ . 
They allow keywork tracking of 300 sources using their "clip&copy" service. This is free, but only provides an abstract of the article. If you want the actual article, there is a charge to get it through them. I have it set up for daily reports on "xml or xbrl" and "PCAOB", but you can set your own frequency.

In addition, you can access articles at:

1) http://www.accountantsworld.com/ . I use them to host my website (http://www.papodaca.com) and find the articles are quite useful. I point my students to my website and have them check the "Daily News", but you can access the same information directly. Access to the articles is generally free.

2) http://www.accountingweb.com/  
Articles often duplicate the ones on AccountantsWorld, but that isn't a surprise as they both use search bots to pull relevant articles.

3) http://www.smartpros.com   
Another good source.

4) http://www.dushkin.com/powerweb/  
PowerWeb  is free with many textbooks. PowerWeb has a "Dynamic Accounting Profession" section as well. Very good. The card that comes with the text gives you a code to register (for that text), but so far, all of the accounting items that I have accessed have not required me to register. Registration also gives you access to the Northern Light premium sources. Lots of good tips for the students as well.

I put these links in my syllabi, and require the students to bring in an article sometime during the semester. The only requirement is that it have some vague connection to the course (and some of them are VERY vague), and they give the class a brief verbal abstract. It is part of their participation.

Not terribly successful, but it is working better each semester.

I hope that this information is useful.

Bob Jensen's accounting and business bookmarks are at http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/bookbob1.htm 

There will soon be more viruses than SARS in Canada!

College plans virus-writing course --- http://news.com.com/2100-1002_3-1010538.html?tag=fd_top 

 

By Ian Fried
Staff Writer, CNET News.com
May 28, 2003

While many students would be expelled from their computer science programs for writing a virus, the University of Calgary plans to make writing such malicious programs a part of the curriculum.

This fall, the Canadian school is offering a class for fourth-year students titled "Computer Viruses and Malware," in which students will write and test their own viruses. The move has touched off a wave of criticism within the antivirus community.

Ken Barker, head of the school's computer science department, contends that such a class is needed to better understand what motivates those who write malicious software, which he says is a growing problem. In just the past 24 hours, McAfee has discovered some 190,000 new infected files, Barker said.

Continued in the article

"Blogs: The Next Big Thing," by John C. Dvorak, PC Magazine, May 27, 2003 --- http://www.pcmag.com/article2/1,4149,1109531,00.asp 

The Blogging phenomenon, which recently drew much attention because of the purchase of Blogger by Google, will become the next big computer fad if it hasn't already. And I don't mean fad in a bad way. I don't want to argue with various bloggers about the fact that blogging has been going on for years already. That's beside the point, as is clear if we compare blogging to two similar über-fads—the CD-ROM business and the dot-com phenomenon. Both had been going on for years before they were suddenly catapulted into the mainstream in a big way. Blogging is following this exact path. (If you haven't seen my previous commentaries on blogging, please read these three columns: "The Blog Phenomenon", "Cult of the Cluetrain Manifesto", and "Deconstructing the Blog".

Let me stop here for a moment and make some specific predictions. Within the next year, both David Letterman and Jay Leno will make jokes about blogs and even discuss them. "Nightline" will do an entire show on blogging. San Jose journalist and blog promoter Dan Gillmore will be a guest for the episode. This is the point where blogging will become mainstream. Shortly thereafter, we will see blogging millionaires, as venture capitalists figure out ways to make money from the trend.

Although I'm seen as some sort of enemy of blogdom, I'm actually more of a critic—mostly of the more inane diary blogs. The Web logs, née blogs, that are oriented toward pre-research, such as Wi-Fi Networking News or even the intensely fun sites like boingboing have my deepest respect. But the vanity sites such as Anti-Bloggies are just asking for ridicule. Who can resist? This is especially true now that the cat fanciers and ersatz poets have come on strong in the blog world.

Anyway, there are intriguing commonalities between the latest of the super-fads that came and went (CD-ROMs, and dot-coms) and the blog scene. The parallels are interesting and obvious. Let's go over them one by one.

1. The San Francisco Connection. Here is the coincidence that triggered the notions in this column. The CD-ROM trend, the dot-com trend, and blogging all have deep roots not in Silicon Valley, but in San Francisco. From the era of New Media Gulch or whatever the South-of-Market scene was called during the CD-ROM age, to the dot-com reign (who can forget the huge Red Gorilla building on Market Street that ended up abandoned?), San Francisco has been a nexus for these trends. It's no coincidence that a lot of the so-called A-list bloggers and blog software developers are in and around San Francisco.

2. The Macintosh Connection. (This is a user's connection, not an Apple thing.) San Francisco is also a nexus for Mac users, and Mac users are at the core of these fads. All the major national Macintosh magazines were based in San Francisco, too. The CD-ROM fad, which required a lot of complex graphical manipulations, required a large Mac contingent. This carried over to the dot-com scene, which was populated by people who fell out of the CD-ROM business. Now if you look at the core bloggers in the San Francisco area, you find the Mac to be their dominant platform. Lots of writers who blog know how to use Macs only, in fact. There are constant references to the Mac in many of the top blogs.

3. The Microsoft Connection. (This is a corporate connection, not a user's thing.) Microsoft got involved in the CD-ROM game early on and sponsored the earliest CD-ROM conferences. The company promoted "information at your fingertips" as part of a CD-ROM strategy and produced numerous titles under the Microsoft at Home label. During the dot-com era, Microsoft jumped on the bandwagon and changed its catch phrase to "where do you want to go today?" Microsoft became Web-oriented and began numerous dot-com initiatives, such as Sidewalk, and a slew of failed online magazines, including an online computer magazine. Now as blogging is beginning to emerge, we hear that Microsoft is going to incorporate blogging software into MSN and other products. A slew of insiders at Microsoft are now blogging. Steve Ballmer is supposed to have a secret blog someplace. I'm waiting for a new blog-centric catch phrase any minute. How about "All your blog are belong to us?" Naw, too obvious.

4. Longevity. While the promise of the CD-ROM revolution was never fulfilled, the whole arena remains powerful. Almost everything is provided on CD-ROM, and there is plenty to be had on CD-ROMs. Although the elaborate, snazzy, over-produced ones are gone, the practical ones remain. The same holds for the dot-coms. Sure, eToys and Pets.com are gone, but the online world has hardly been killed off by the dot-com collapse. The mania is what's gone, thank goodness. Can we expect the same from blogdom? Yes, of course.

The unanswered question at this point is what direction the blog scene will go in. What will blogging be like in five years? You also have to wonder if the current blog scene is part of a series of individual changes in the computer landscape or a precursor to something new. One could argue, for example, that the CD-ROM scene was a precursor to the dot-com trend. There were a lot of connections. Did dot-coms lead to blogging? They had to, since Web logs are all about the Web. But is blogging just a jumping-off point for something even bigger? After all, the CD-ROM business generated a lot of new and VC-funded start-ups, but not as many as came out of the dot-com scene. Is blogging a stepping stone to something else? If so, what?

While the smug I-told-you-so–type bloggers out there (you know who you are) find themselves on the crest of a wave, I'm not so sure that the shore ahead isn't rocky, as it was for the CD-ROM vogue and the dot-com phenomenon. But at least the ride is fun.

Bob Jensen's threads on weblogs and blogs are at http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/245glosf.htm#Weblog 

A Simple Tool to Protect Your Web Server --- http://security.ziffdavis.com/article2/0,3973,1108363,00.asp 
Afraid of hackers attacking your Web site with long or binary URLs? Did you know that there's a simple little tool that will keep those longer URLs from attacking your system? It's Microsoft's UrlScan, and it really can keep you safe—if you use it. We've got more details about this and other URL blockers. If you run a Web site, you should use one!

Windows Defraggled
Disk Fragmentation More Dangerous Than You Might Think --- http://storage.ziffdavis.com/article2/0,3973,1108850,00.asp 
 I used to think that disk fragmentation problems were like smallpox—wiped off the face of the earth by newer and more intelligent operating systems. But it turns out that with Windows XP, your problems multiply even faster than with 98 or 2000. If you're wondering why boot times are so slow or files take so long to load, a fragmented disk might be the problem. Find out whether you're suffering from fragmentation woes and what to do about it!

Einstein Archives Online (Science, Physics, Astronomy) --- http://www.alberteinstein.info/ 

Invention Disillusion
Ever heard of a personal hovercraft? --- http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,4149,1098506,00.asp 
What about a combination cell phone/gun? Perhaps you'd find a camcorder/cell phone combination more interesting? PC Magazine's Lance Ulanoff finds all these inventions ultimately disappointing—particularly the overhyped Segway from Dean Kamen. Take a look at the weird stuff he's found, and then let him know what you think. And if you've uncovered any wacky inventions yourself, send 'em along too, either to Lance or directly to me!

Donald Rumsfeld may have his share of critics, but Bruce Sterling isn't one of them. The outspoken defense secretary and "gnomic futurist" knows what's right for America, Sterling writes in a commentary from Wired magazine --- http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/11.06/view.html?pg=4 

What search engines know about you when you search. Part one of a two-part series. http://www.clickz.com/search/opt/article.php/2207951 
ClickZ Today, May 21, 3003
By Danny Sullivan

Some scary statements have been made about the privacy of search requests. You may have heard Google was nominated for a Big Brother Award award. You may also have read Google knows everything you ever searched for. Should you be afraid? Is it time to boycott Google, as blogger Gavin Sheridan called for?

Relax. Yes, there are privacy issues when you do a search at Google. These are concerns at other search engines, too. Fear that you, personally, will be tracked isn't realistic for the vast majority of users.

What exactly does Google know about you when you come to search? You needn't be worried -- for the moment. Next week, we'll continue the privacy discussion with a look at Yahoo! and search engine privacy policies.

Fact or Fiction?

No wonder people worry about search privacy after reading statements like these:

Google builds up a detailed profile of your search terms over many years. Google probably knew when you last thought you were pregnant, what diseases your children have had, and who your divorce lawyer is. --BBC technology commentator Bill Thompson, February 21, 2003

I don't like that its cookies expire 35 years from now, and that it records all my searches, including the embarrassing ones. --Technology writer and blogger Chris Gulker, March 7, 2003

Reality: Google doesn't know who you are as an individual. Its use of cookies, hardly unique, doesn't give it a magical ability to see your face and know your name through your monitor.

All Google knows is specific browser software, on a particular computer, made a request. A cookie gives it the ability to potentially see all requests made by that browser over time. Google doesn't know who was at the browser when the request was made.

When I search at Google, this is how it identifies me: 740674ce2123e969.

No name, no address, no phone number. If someone else is at my computer, Google can't tell someone new is searching.

What Does Google Record?

Here's how that unique cookie number is given to you and why it tells Google nothing about who you are.

Assume you've never been to Google before. You visit the site and search for "cars." What's recorded?

As stated in its privacy policy, Google records the time you visited, your Internet address, and your browser type in a log file. It's standard practice for Web servers to keep track of this information.

Here's a simplified example of how a search for "cars" might appear in Google's logs:

inktomi1-lng.server.ntl.com - 25/Mar/2003 10:15:32 - http://www.google.com/search?q=cars - MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1 - 740674ce2123e969

When broken down:

• inktomi1-lng.server.ntl.com -- my Internet address, resolved to a domain name
  
  
• 25/Mar/2003 10:15:32 -- date and time I searched
  
  
• http://www.google.com/search?q=cars  -- my search request, containing the word "cars" in it
  
  
• MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1 -- the browser and operating system I used, MS Internet Explorer 6 on Windows XP
  
  
• 740674ce2123e969 -- my unique cookie ID, assigned to my browser the first time I visited

My Internet Address

If Google wants to know who I am, the most important element is my IP address. That address says nothing about me as Danny Sullivan. NTL is a large UK Internet access provider. The IP address represents the NTL computer serving my requests. (Inktomi is mentioned probably as a remnant from when it provided Internet caching services to ISPs.)

Continued in the article

Bob Jensen's threads on search engines can be found at http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/searchh.htm 

From Syllabus News on May 27, 2003

Stanford B-School to Broadcast Via CNET News.com

Stanford Knowledgebase, a business journal published by Stanford University's Graduate School of Business, will republish its content electronically through the computer media site CNET News.com. The resource is the fifth business editorial content site to offer free access to its material via the site. CNET also announced a "Business Elites" Web page featuring analytical work by Knowledge@Wharton from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, Harvard Business School's Working Knowledge, "The McKinsey Quarterly," and Booz Allen Hamilton's "strategy+business." Barbara Buell, director of communication at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, said the relationship with CNET "helps us deliver information about the knowledge developed at Stanford Business School to a wider business audience that is looking for thoughtful insights and ideas about complex issues in business."

Wow Site of the Week

The Dynamic Earth (Science, Geology) --- http://www.mnh.si.edu/earth/ 

Maybe it's my ignorance, but I could not get parts of this wonderful site to work for me from the upper menu.

Rocks and Mining

Rocks At Earth's Surface
Earth's history is written on pages of stone. Since our planet's birth 4.6 billion years ago, rocks have been continually forming and, over time, changing from one kind to another. Every rock preserves part of this ancient and ongoing story.

• Rocks Tell Stories
• Rocks Build Cities
• Rocks Made to Order
• Water Recycles Rocks

  Rocks Below Earth's Surface
  ...it's extremely hot, and the pressure from overlying rocks is immense. These conditions can transform rocks into entirely new sets of minerals--or even melt them.

• Inside Earth
• Rocks Melt
• Rocks Deform
• Rocks Transform

  Mining
  Dynamic natural forces have concentrated rocks and minerals into deposits that are within human reach. We mine these deposits to obtain the raw materials that have become indispensable to modern industrial society.

• Minerals Matter
• Tour Three Mines

May 27, 2003 message from Sikka, Prem N [prems@essex.ac.uk] 

Dear Bob,

You may be aware of the Association for Accountancy & Business affairs (AABA) which has now been functioning for five years in the UK. It engages with public policy issues, publishes research, runs free journals, collaborates with NGOs, organises seminars and runs a web site. Further details are on the AABA website ( http://visar.csustan.edu/aaba/aaba.htm )

Regards

Prem Sikka 
Professor of Accounting 
University of Essex 
Colchester, Essex CO4 3SQ, UK

Tel: +(0)1206-873773 
Fax: +(0)1206-873429 
E-mail: prems@essex.ac.uk  
Internet  http://visar.csustan.edu/aaba/aaba.htm 

The big blackout Surprise, surprise: The TV networks that will benefit from the new FCC rules on media ownership have been keeping their viewers in the dark about the changes." by Eric Boehlert, Salon.com, May 22, 2003 --- http://www.salon.com/tech/feature/2003/05/22/fcc_blackout/index_np.html 

On June 2, the Federal Communications Commission will make a decision that will probably radically change how Americans receive their news. But if, like most people, you rely on television as your primary information source, chances are you haven't heard a word about it.

At stake are the current rules on how many different properties a media conglomerate can own. Eager to create new economic efficiencies, media companies such as Viacom, AOL Time Warner and the Tribune Co. have been pressing the FCC for years to relax limits on cross-ownership on such things as TV stations and newspapers in the same city. Meanwhile Congress has held several high-profile hearings discussing the likely ramifications of the FCC's decision to invite greater media consolidation.

But to date, most network and cable news operations have all but ignored the story; a story their parent companies have taken extraordinary interest in and spent millions of dollars paying lobbyists to make a reality. And perhaps unsurprisingly, the two television news operations most reluctant to cover the FCC debate -- CBS and Fox -- are owned by the two media conglomerates with the most to gain from a lenient FCC ruling: Viacom and the News Corp.

"The broadcast media has been absolutely atrocious on this issue," says Robert McChesney, author of "Rich Media, Poor Democracy: Communications Politics in Dubious Times." "The coverage has been virtually nonexistent."

Continued for a fee at http://www.salon.com/tech/feature/2003/05/22/fcc_blackout/index_np.html 

"Keeping the Web Royalty-Free:  W3C unveils its formal policy for handling Web patents," by David Legard, PCworld.com, May 22, 2003  --- http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,110839,00.asp 

The World Wide Web Consortium announced Wednesday its formal policy for ensuring that key Web technologies, even if patented, are made available on a royalty-free basis.

In a statement, the consortium said that the W3C Patent Policy is designed to reduce the threat that key components of Web infrastructure may be covered by patents which block further development.

The policy states that:

• participants in the development of a W3C Recommendation must agree to license essential claims, such as those that block interoperability, on a royalty-free basis;
  
  
• under certain circumstances, Working Group participants may exclude specifically identified patent claims from the royalty-free commitment, but these exclusions must be made known shortly after publication of the first public Working Draft to avoid later problems with surprise patents;
  
  
• W3C members who have seen a technical draft of a standard must disclose their knowledge of any patents likely to be essential to the standard;
  
  
• an exception-handling process will deal with any patent claims not available with terms consistent with the W3C Patent Policy.

Keeping Its Commitment

The policy formalizes a commitment to a royalty-free process which has driven the development of the Web since its beginning, according to W3C. The process has seen input from companies, researchers, and independent developers which have created technical interoperability standards upon which a worldwide information infrastructure has been built, W3C said in the statement.

"W3C members who joined in building the Web in its first decade made the business decision that they, and the entire world, would benefit most by contributing to standards that could be implemented ubiquitously, without royalty payments," Tim Berners-Lee, W3C Director, said in the statement.

Some concern has been raised that companies seeking royalty payments for their patented work--particularly in the area of Web services--may choose to bypass the W3C approval process and use another standards body such as the Organization for the Advancement of Structured Information Standards.

A brief history of the WWW is provided at http://www.trinity.edu/~rjensen/245glosf.htm#World2 

How does your water rate?  Not good if you live in Las Vegas

The 10 undergraduates in Stanford's Geophysics 104: The Water Course probably can answer that question. The students tracked the flow of drinking water from precipitation to tap in various areas of the world, and sampled the results in the most practical way possible: by drinking it. Bottled water from Fiji's volcanic highlands was voted No. 1. The nastiest? Las Vegas tap water --- http://www.stanfordalumni.org/news/magazine/2003/mayjun/farmreport/news.html#lecturehall 

Wow Technology of the Week --- The Logitech Virtual Digital Pen with up to 40 pages of memory!

Take digital notes while you are away from your computer.  Thank you Debbie Bowling for telling me about this product.

Make handwriting an effective tool for the digital world—without changing the way you work. With the Logitech io pen, everything you write can be saved, organized, and shared. Notes, ideas, calendar items, sketches, charts, emails, signatures... if you've written it down in a digital notebook or Post-it® Note pad, you can have a record of it forever --- http://www.logitech.com/index.cfm?page=products/details&CRID=1541&CONTENTID=6150&countryid=19&languageid=1 

"Five Most Disruptive 'Free' Applications Can Cost Businesses Plenty," by: SmartPros Editorial Staff, May 16, 2003 --- http://www.smartpros.com/x38262.xml 

SEATTLE, May 16, 2003 — All those "free" applications employees are downloading at record rates can end up costing businesses plenty, according to Internet filtering company N2H2, Inc.

N2H2 released a list of the "Five Most Disruptive Free Applications" based on the number of downloads, feedback from N2H2 customers, and by measuring security and productivity impact in the workplace:

Peer-to-peer file-sharing programs. 
Users are currently downloading file-sharing programs at the rate of over four million a week, according to CNET. Many of these applications are landing on corporate desktops. One study of 15,000 work computers conducted in 2000 by eMarketeer found file-sharing software installed on 20 percent of work computers, and there is every reason to believe the problem is growing. File-sharing applications are often used to trade copyrighted materials, and can lead to expensive liability for companies, as well as create security problems by opening up employee hard drives to outsiders.

The liability concerns associated with file-sharing programs in the workplace are not hypothetical. The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) and the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) recently sent a letter to all of the FORTUNE 1000 companies warning of "injunctions, damages, costs and possible criminal sanctions," for trading illegal files. The RIAA has already pursued legal action against an Arizona company, winning a $1 million dollar settlement after employees were found to have downloaded thousands of music files on company computers.

Online games. 
Coming in at number two were PC games, which are also being downloaded millions of times per week. Many of these "free" downloads are extended free trials of the most popular games, which when played at work aren't free to employers. According to a survey of 6,000 office workers conducted by the SBT Corp. in 2000, U.S. workers playing online games at work costs $10 billion in lost productivity.

Desktop movie players. 
Free movie players are being downloaded at a rate of over 100,000 copies per week, and placed third on the list. These applications not only pose a productivity drain, but waste company bandwidth as well. With just 15 percent of homes wired for broadband Internet access, many employees rely on their employer's high-speed connections to download movie files. Research suggests the problem of employee bandwidth misuse is large and widespread. According to Nielsen/NetRatings, 22 million people used streaming media in the workplace in 2001, and 46 million American office workers logged on to the web in August 2002. One movie player even features a "Quick Hide from Boss" mode that employees can use to evade detection of movie-viewing while on the job.

Password helpers. 
Coming in at number four was free "password helper applications" that manage passwords and user IDs. But collecting and managing passwords isn't all these programs do. Many of them serve up advertisements based on "computer usage and web surfing behavior," including the URLs of Web pages viewed by users and other criteria. Password-helper applications often appear on employee's computers after they visit certain websites, where the software will immediately offer to install itself in what some security experts call a "drive by download" -- causing headaches for IT support staff.

Browser toolbars. 
Even bigger headaches await IT departments with employees that have installed innocuous-sounding "browser toolbars" which rounded out the list at number five. Some of these programs take the "drive by download" one step further and actually take control of Internet browsers in what security experts call "browser hijacking."

"JavaScript Slide Show," by Alanna Spence, Webmonkey, May 22, 2003 --- http://hotwired.lycos.com/webmonkey/03/18/index3a.html 

JavaScript slide shows are great for a lot of reasons. You can use them to spice up photo albums, add a little pizzazz to your home page, or even show a story, stop-motion-animation style. And one of the beauties of JavaScript is its reusability: Once you create your script, building a new slide show is just a matter of copying the code and pointing it at a new image folder.

To get an idea of the magic I'm talking about here, take a look at the slide show I made of the pics from my friend Azure's going away party. While Azure's parting was sweet, sweet sorrow, my loss is your gain: The script I used to create this slide show is easy to learn and modify. Just you wait and see!

Yes, in the lessons that follow, I'll show you how to build your very own slide show, then how to tweak it to your liking. (A hearty thanks goes out to Robert Bui — several parts of the JavaScript code I'm about to share are "inspired" by his script, which can be found at JavaScript.internet.com.)

Continued in the article.

"Intro to Photoshop Filters," by Joshua Allen, Webmonkey, May 7, 2003 --- http://hotwired.lycos.com/webmonkey/03/16/index2a.html 

OK, you've created your own weblog and your hands are shaking with excitement and terror. You just posted an excellent new piece that details your grievances with that jerk Kelly at work, an essay that is by turns insightful and thrillingly alive with a kind of erotic frisson. But where are your readers? Where are the hits? Why aren't people falling over themselves to get at your sweet, sweet words?

There are many possible explanations, but one is that people are shallow, crass, and easily distracted by shiny objects. If they come to your site and just see a page full of text, their eyes will glaze over and they'll head right on back to the Nude Animated GIFs site.

But, but, it's the content that's important, right? Shouldn't your razor-sharp writing be enough to keep their attention? Wouldn't dressing up the text with pretty pictures almost be an insult? Isn't it what's in here [gesturing toward heart] that matters most of all?

Yes, truly, but in the real world people like to see their content all gussied up, preferably as sextastically as possible. Sure, you can give them a few well-cropped and color-adjusted photos. But your blog also needs its fair share of arty, distorted, eye-searing pictures! And what about a zany logo?

Enter filters!

You may not be an artist — so what if your talent lies in crafting the written word? — but I'm here to tell you that while technology can't yet generate interesting writing (check back in 2006 when Microsoft Grisham comes out of beta), it can do a lot of artistic legwork for you. It's a secret that Web designers have known for years: If you can score a copy of the 800-pound behemoth known as Adobe Photoshop, you can fake artistic ability with the best of them.

Continued in the article.

Nanotechnology could help futuristic battle suits protect troops from bullets and chemical weapons. But for now, simply keeping grunts dry would be a big accomplishment for MIT's new Institute for Soldier Nanotechnologies --- http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,58970,00.html 

CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts -- Thanks to their sleek, form-fitting battle suits, ordinary soldiers may someday turn into supermen.

Bullets won't stop them; neither will chemical attacks. Their nanotech-made muscles might let them jump higher and kick more butt than their opponents. And if they do somehow get hurt, the suit could immediately start to heal them and report their injuries back to headquarters. At least, that's what a collection of industrial, academic and military bigwigs promise, as they gather here this week for the official launch of MIT's Institute for Soldier Nanotechnologies.

The reality is, many bugs have to be worked out before the U.S. puts super soldiers on the field. A good start for ISN would be simply keeping their electronics-laden outerwear dry in the rain.

The 125-person-plus Institute, started last year with a $50 million grant from the Army, got its official kickoff Thursday at MIT's Technology Square. Under a pair of large white tents, and in the Institute's new offices, a battalion of generals and vice presidents heralded the dawn of the über-soldier with high-end videos, slick brochures and a buffet lunch.

Grunts paraded around in mock-ups of their new uniforms. And Army Specialist Jason Ashline, shot in the chest during the Afghan conflict, briefly mentioned how body armor saved his life.

But it was the nervous, smiling MIT graduate students and professors in the ISN labs upstairs who gave the most realistic assessments of what to expect from the Institute.

Yes, they've developed molecular structures that can swing open and shut like a hinge when hit with an electric field. And sure, someday, if they can figure out how to coordinate millions and millions of these hinges, they could maybe turn them into exo-muscles on a soldier's battle suit that could "provide additional muscle strength for lifting or jumping."

But right now, they can't even get the hinges to line up, "even on a micron (1,000th of a millimeter) scale," said graduate student Nathan Vandesteeg. It's a long way from a micron to a muscle.

"We're always confronted with the fact that the people we're working for are coming up with these crazy ideas," he continued. "It gets you excited. But then there's the whole realization of whether this will happen when I'm here -- or ever."

The challenge the Institute is taking on -- to build better defenses for the individual soldier -- is critically important, military officials say.

Continued in the article.

From Stanford University on May 14, 2003
In combating digital piracy, the film, music and software industries have supported legislation and developed technologies that threaten the health of the public domain, free speech and ultimately our cultural heritage, according to Stanford law Professor Lawrence Lessig, speaking at the May 5 Aurora Forum, titled "Public Life in a Wired World." --- http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2003/may14/public-514.html 

May 30, 2003 message from Carolyn Kotlas [kotlas@email.unc.edu] 

NEW MODELS OF SCHOLARSHIP

In 2002, the Council on Library and Information Resources (CLIR) hosted a meeting of scholars, librarians, technologists, publishers, and others interested in the preservation of digital scholarly resources. Their goal was to identify stakeholders' needs and how to meet their needs. A product of this meeting is the report, "New-Model Scholarship: How Will It Survive?" by Abby Smith, director of programs at CLIR. Smith describes the "new-model scholarship" as "the variety of Web sites and other desktop digital objects that faculty and graduate students are creating that fall somewhere short of 'published' but are worthy of access into the future." While the report does not provide definitive answers to the questions raised in the workshop, it does point to several projects and proposals that merit examination by the research community. The complete report is available on the web at http://www.clir.org/pubs/abstract/pub114abst.html 

The Council on Library and Information Resources is an independent, non-profit organization that, in partnership with other organizations, "helps create services that expand the concept of 'library' and supports the providers and preservers of information." For more information, contact: CLIR, 1755 Massachusetts Avenue, NW, Suite 500, Washington, DC 20036 USA; tel: 202-939-4750; fax: 202-939-4765; email: info@clir.org ; Web: http://www.clir.org/ 

New-Model Scholarship: How Will it Survive? [pdf] http://www.clir.org/pubs/reports/pub114/pub114.pdf

---

NEW MODELS FOR RESEARCH PUBLISHING

"There is significant evidence that traditional university presses are continuing to face financial crises. Outlets for research monographs are drying up, print runs are being reduced and monograph costs are increasing." In "Phoenix Rising: New Models for the Research Monograph" (LEARNED PUBLISHING, vol. 16, no. 2, April 2003, pp. 111-22), Colin Steele, Director of Scholarly Information Strategies, Australian National University, outlines how these problems could be mitigated by adopting new networked models of access and distribution while keeping established editing and refereeing practices.

A preprint of Steele's article is available at

http://eprints.anu.edu.au/archive/00001032/index.html

Learned Publishing [ISSN 0953-1513 ] is a quarterly publication of the Association of Learned and Professional Society Publishers (ALPSP). Articles from volume 10 (1997) to volume 15 (2002) are freely available online. For more information, contact: The Editor, Learned Publishing, 7 High Street, Saffron Walden CB10 1AT, UK; tel and fax: +44 01799 522272; email: editor@alpsp.org.uk; Web: http://www.alpsp.org.uk/journal.htm

ALPSP "represents the interests of all those involved in the publication of academic and professional information in all media. It was formed in 1972, as an association of learned and professional organizations involved in publishing." For more information see their website at http://www.alpsp.org/

RECOMMENDED READING

"Recommended Reading" lists items that have been recommended to me or that Infobits readers have found particularly interesting and/or useful, including books, articles, and websites published by Infobits subscribers. Send your recommendations to carolyn_kotlas@unc.edu for possible inclusion in this column.

Infobits reader David Hitchcock publishes "El.pub - Interactive Publishing R & D - News and Resource," a web-based resource and information service for the growing community of networked publishers, with particular emphasis on their research and development efforts. El.pub features three free services: El.pub Weekly (covering interactive electronic publishing), VREfresh (weekly service covering virtual reality and interactive 3D), and El.pub Analytic (a more detailed bi-monthly analysis service). Links to all El.pub services are available at http://www.elpub.org/

Anthropology Sharing Site of the Week --- http://www.qozi.com/anthropology/ 

Hi Stephen

I added your link to the file that you requested.  However, I also added it to http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/bookbob2.htm#Social 

Thanks for sharing your anthropology materials.

Bob Jensen

May 30, 2003 message from anthropology@qozi.com 

I'm Stephen Green and this is my site: "qozi.com/anthropology". I contact you because I would like to exchange links with your site: http://www.trinity.edu/rjensen/ebooks.htm. I think our sites are related. My site contains community groups, news, and books about anthropology.

So, if you decide to do that you can use this information in order to link to us:

URL: http://www.qozi.com/anthropology/
Title: Anthropology Resources
Description: anthropology related news, books and web resources

Thank you very much!
Stephen Green

The Spirit of Islam: Experiencing Islam Through Calligraphy http://www.moa.ubc.ca/spiritofislam/ 

The Student-Run Investment Fund at Stanford University (Not so much money as at Trinity's student-managed fund but a much longer run at it) Senior Charles Najda's experience at Stanford's student-run investment fund has been full of ups and downs. Of course, so has the stock market. Established with $75,000 in 1978 to give undergraduates practice at investing, the fund now has about $72,000, down from a peak of $130,000. But the fund was up 25.63 percent in the first quarter of 2003 -- far outpacing the major indexes --- http://www.stanfordalumni.org/news/magazine/2003/mayjun/farmreport/news.html#activities 

It appears that Stanford students gambled more in the Silicon Valley surrounding the campus.

Trinity University's student-managed fund is described at http://www.trinity.edu/smf/ 

"Despite U.S. Efforts, Web Crimes Thrive," by Ariana Eunjung Cha, The Washington Post, May 20, 2003; p. A01 --- http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A12984-2003May19.html 

Here in his hometown, Michael is a respected computer programmer. In the United States, he's a wanted man.

Two and a half years ago, his former boss Vasiliy Gorshkov and co-worker Alexey Ivanov were arrested for hacking and extorting a string of American businesses. Michael, who spoke on the condition that he be identified only by an English translation of his first name, said he helped them.

Shortly after his associates were captured, the FBI determined that Michael might be part of the same hacking ring and tried to go after him, too. An agent sent him an e-mail telling him what had happened to Gorshkov and Ivanov and asking him what he knew about the men's criminal activities. Michael responded that by tricking the two men to travel to Seattle so they could be arrested, the agency had just started a war.

"We'll keep stealing just like we did in the past," he wrote. "If you try to stop us there will be more of the same. Better just leave us alone."

The FBI man, Michael said, apologized and said the agency wouldn't bother him anymore. And so far it hasn't.

Michael, now 21, still lives in the same downtown apartment he purchased with funds from the hacking scheme he says he participated in with Gorshkov and Ivanov. While his compatriots are sitting in prison, Michael is shopping for a car, a Honda Prelude, with his illicit profits. He said he continues hacking into company databases in his spare time, at the rate of about one a week. His recent bounty: documents from a corporate site for a computer-chip company, a medium-size Internet access provider and an agency within the government of Uruguay.

It's impossible to determine how many of the hackers who are responsible for the chaos that now seems to regularly erupt on the Internet remain at large. Many use multiple aliases and electronically hop from country to country, making it difficult to determine who or where they are. Statistics on cybercrime show a huge disparity between the number of attacks reported and the number of people who are caught. The CERT Coordination Center, a federal clearinghouse, logged more than 80,000 incidents of break-ins, viruses and other attacks in 2002, up from around 50,000 the year before. Meanwhile, U.S. law enforcement arrests only several hundred alleged perpetrators each year.

In a series of interviews with U.S. authorities, Ivanov identified Michael and six others as co-conspirators; the complete document is still under seal in U.S. District Court in Connecticut, but portions of the transcript were obtained by The Washington Post. Justice Department lawyers in Washington and Connecticut declined to comment on the investigation because it is continuing. In exchange for Ivanov's cooperation and in response to his fears that his loved ones might be in danger, the government flew his mother, his sister and his girlfriend, Lena, to the United States last fall.

Continued in the article.

Update on ToolBook
May 17, 2003 message from Richard Campbell [campbell@RIO.EDU] 

Marcio D'avila - one of my favorite Brazilian programmers has moved his web site dedicated to all things multimedia and Toolbook:

http://www.mhavila.com.br/link/toolbook/ 

Richard Campbell

May 23, 2003 message from Kawaller and Company [kawaller@lb.bcentral.com] 

Years ago, when the Chicago Mercantile Exchange first introduced Brazilian Real futures contracts, I wrote a strategy paper that explained how these contracts could be used to manage Real-denominated investments. This article was resently revised, and an update is now available on the Kawaller & Company site. To view the article, click on the link --- http://www.kawaller.com/ 

While the paper focuses on Brazilian Real futures (which, in fact, have some ideosyncratic features), the concepts apply to all non-dollar currency exposures.

Ira Kawaller

Disney found a way to rent DVDs without needing a system to get the discs back. Using self-destruction technology, Disney will begin "renting" DVDs this August that become unplayable after two days and do not have to be returned --- http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,58883,00.html 

Environmentalists consider Disney's plan to sell DVDs that can be watched for two days and then thrown out "illogical" and "absurd." Many consumers don't see a need for them, either --- http://www.wired.com/news/digiwood/0,1412,58906,00.html 

League of Nations Photo Archive (History) --- http://www.indiana.edu/~league/ 

Face to Face explores what it means to be an American with the face of the enemy. These are real stories of fear, anger, hatred, loyalty and trust --- http://www.itvs.org/facetoface/intro.html 

Explore Chicago (History, Music, Travel) --- http://www.suba.com/~scottn/explore/mainmenu.htm 

Mildred's House of Signage (Graphics, Photography, Art, Advertising, Humor) --- http://signs.misstracyjo.com 

* New signs Added since April 12, 2003 
* Good names * Bad spelling 
* Lovely fonts 
* Born Again Why invest in a new sign when you can just use the old one? 
* Ghosts The business is long gone, but the sign lives on. 
* Other signage sites and related silliness

Obsessive Consumption (Marketing, Psychology, Sociology) --- http://www.obsessiveconsumption.com/ 

Watch and listen to a coed spend her way through her graduate school years.  Kate Bingaman is on a mission plans to track and photograph everything she buys during grad school.  Sounds a little boring, but there may be some useful anecdotal evidence of consumption and culture in this documentary.

Break Eggs (food recipes) --- http://www.breakeggs.com/ 

Lists of Bests --- http://www.listsofbests.com/ 

Autism: As the Incidence Rises, Possible Answers and Solutions Emerge (Medicine, Health) --- http://www.naturalhealthline.com/ 

Forwarded by Auntie Bev

Oil Change instructions for Women:

Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 

Drink a cup of coffee. 

15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. 

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00 

Oil Change instructions for Men:

Wait until Saturday,
drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,
write a check for $50.00. 

Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer,
write a check for $20.00, drive home. 

Open a beer and drink it. 

Jack car up.
Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 
Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 
In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 

Place drain pan under engine. 
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.  |
Give up and use crescent wrench. 
Unscrew drain plug. 
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss. 
Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 

Have another beer while watching oil drain.
Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench .
Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 

Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.

Drink a beer. 

Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener. 

Sunday:
Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle. 
Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 

Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
Walk to 7-11;
buy beer. 

Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 
Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 
Remember drain plug from step 11. 
Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 
Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug. 

Drink beer. 
Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug.
Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties.
Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas. 
Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 

Drink beer. 
Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes.
Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 
Begin cussing fit. 
Throw stupid crescent wrench. 
Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob. 

Beer. 

Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 

Beer. 
Beer. 

Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

Beer. 

Lower car from jack stands. 
Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 
Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 

Beer. 

Test drive car. 
Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 

Car gets impounded. 
Call loving wife, make bail.
12 hours later, get car from impound yard. 

Money spent:

Parts                    $50.00
DUI                 $2500.00
Impound fee         $75.00
Bail                 $1500.00
Beer                    $40.00
Total--            $4165.00  --

But you know the job was done right.

Forwarded by Kate Ruckman

RULES FOR THE DOG

1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.

2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.

3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever the hell he pleases.

6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture.

8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole damn works and buy new furniture...upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.

10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers.

12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the pillow.

13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.

14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping. That's just not fair.

15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary resident," even if it's true.

Forwarded by Dick Haar

TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND MATH...... A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:

A billion seconds ago it was 1959

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive

A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it.

Forwarded by Barb Hessel

THE WAY IT IS

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, etc., those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.

In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

(1) That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

(2) It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

(3) We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

(4) Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped--by our women.

(5) Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Just don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a names for those little trout you fish for--bait.

(6) Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

(7) If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

(8) That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

(9) No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

(10) You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,wet and served over ice.

(11) So you have a $60,000 car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

(12) Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

(13) Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp too, and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

(14) They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it--Interstates 80 and 90 go two ways; and interstate 29 and 35 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

(15) So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

(16) That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot--his name is Sir--no matter how old he is.

Now enjoy your visit and then go home!

Foirwarded by David Spener

-------------------------- Missing texts from Genesis --------------------------

In the beginning God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Creme. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And man said "Yes!" and woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles." And lo they gained 10 pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And woman went from size 2 to size 6. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And man and woman unfastened their belts following the repast. God then said, "I have sent you hearty healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried shrimp and catfish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and piled on the pounds. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them and added copious quantities of salt. And man put on more pounds. God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" and man replied, "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said "It is good." And man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created HMOs.

Forwarded by Dr. D.

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss.... the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for having once enjoyed sex.

14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.(Ouch!!)

Forwarded by Auntie Bev

I knew it, I knew it. They finally released the ingredients in Viagra:

                  3% Vitamin E
                  2% Aspirin
                  2% Ibuprofen
                  1% Vitamin C
                  5% Spray Starch
                  87% Fix-A-Flat!!!

History Lessons Forwarded by Barb Hessel

 I don't know if this is true or not, but interesting.

The next time you're washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children -- last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water,"

Houses had thatched roofs (thick straw piled high), with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house, which posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. 

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "threshold," 

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old." 

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat." 

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust." 

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake." 

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer." And that's the truth...... 

Now , whoever said that History was boring ! ! ! !

Forwarded by Team Carper