Children’s Bereavement Center of South Texas

http://www.cbcst.org/newsletter.htm

 

 

What Children Need to Know in a Crisis Situation

 

  1. THIS IS REAL.  This is not pretend or make believe.  Lots of people have died.  Lots of people have been hurt.  People who have tried to help have been hurt and died, too. 
  2. Factual Information – Some people who do not like the United States got in some airplanes and made them crash into some buildings.  There were people working in the buildings.  Lots of those people in the buildings died.  People who were on the airplanes died, too.  Some firemen and policemen and other people got hurt and died when they were trying to help.  People are very sad.   
  3. Many people will be sad for a long time.  You may see people crying about this.
  4. This is not going to go away quickly – this will be on the T.V., radio, and newspapers for a long time.  
  5. Not all information reported will be true. 
  6. There are many questions adults cannot answer.   

 

What to Expect from the Children

 

  1. Many Questions – including these three they are likely to ask:
    1. Will it happen to me?
    2. Did I cause it?
    3. Who will take care of me if my parents die?  Children are worried about themselves when disasters happen.
  2. Confusion – Why did this happen? Why did God let this happen? When will it end? What can I do if my parents or friends are sad? Am I going to die?
  3. Fears – new ones (afraid of dark, separation from family, dying), old ones revisited. (If they were previously scared of something, this may come up again.)  Fears about previous traumas will resurface
  4. Regression – bedwetting, thumb sucking, whining, not wanting to be alone
  5. Indifference – may not show visible signs of being affected.  Life goes on as normal. 
  6. Behavior changes – watch for extreme mood changes
    1. Withdrawing
    2. Clinginess
    3. Acting out
    4. Hyperactivity
  7. Sleep changes – difficulty falling asleep, not wanting to sleep alone
  8. Reflect parent or teacher reactions
  9. Play  -
    1. Children express fear, anxiety, sadness, anger and other emotions though play. 
    2. They may ‘play’ accidents, plane crashes, people being hurt, people dying

 

 

 

How to Help

 

  1. BE HONEST
  2. Use the word ‘dead’ and ‘died’ instead of ‘passed on’ or ‘we’ve lost them’
  3. Let them talk and ask questions
  4. Answer questions honestly.  It is OK to say, “I don’t know”
  5. Give them permission to cry
  6. For young children, encourage play or art activities
  7. Write a letter to a policeman or fireman or an EMS worker as a thank you for what they do to help people
  8. Give hugs
  9. Read books to facilitate conversations (booklist attached)

 

 

What Adults Need to Know about Children’s Grief

 

  1. Parents are the best people to help children deal with confusing or stressful events
  2.  Young children do not understand the permanency of death.  They can say the word ‘dead’ or ‘died’ but do not understand the meaning behind it.  How to explain:
  3. Children around the age of six have a natural developmental concern about death – what it is, what happens to bodies, where people go when they die, etc.
  4. These same questions will arise for all children repeatedly.
  5. Children may ask the same questions over and over.  They haven’t forgotten that they have asked but need reassurance about the answer you have given.
  6. After a disaster, any kind of separation from parents may be more traumatic.
  7. Be more concerned about a child who is quiet and being good vs. one who is acting out.
  8. Expect emotions to vary widely and to cover a broad spectrum of possibilities.
  9. Children handle change and disruption best if they have time to understand potential impact on their own lives. 
  10. It’s ok for you to express your feelings in front of your child.  This will give them permission to share their own. 
  11. Your child may not express feelings about traumatic situations immediately.  It is VERY common to see behavioral changes 6 to 8 weeks after a traumatic event.    Your child may not even recognize that their behavior stems from the traumatic event. 

 

 

Children’s Bereavement Center of South Texas --- http://www.cbcst.org/newsletter.htm

 

 

A Trinity University Professor of Education, Karen Waldron, adds the following advice.

 

 

1. Turn off the TV when children are in the room.  We keep seeing the drama of the jets crashing into the WTC.  Until age 6, children view each act as discrete and real.  They don't understand that the initial scene is being replayed and may believe that it's happening again and again.  For older children, seeing the bodies and continuing horror only reinforces their fear and grief.

 

2. Talk about what's happened.  Ask kids what scares them the most right now and address their specific issues. 

 

3. They need to feel the adult world is in control even when we feel helpless.  Tell them that "Bad people did this--but it's the first time anything this big has happened here."  It's good to tell them that our government is the strongest in the world and will work hard to keep them safe.  Assure them that we will catch the "bad people" who did this and stop them from doing it again.  Children understand good vs. bad and it reinforces their sense of moral need that good will prevail.

 

4. Assure them that their home and school are safe and that parents and teachers will work to keep them safe.  This is especially effective for children who are worried about their own "buildings" crashing down.

 

5. Explain that there will be new safety standards for planes to keep flying safe and to "catch bad people."  Tell them that while lines will be longer at airports, they won't have to worry about their own safety.

 

6.  Keep children in their normal routines with structured bedtimes and meals.  Normalcy restores order to their lives.

 

Hope these help during this time of crisis.